Now we all know that a hangover is like a plague, it targets all your friends until it gets you too. But unlike a plague a hangover has a cure; that is if you catch it in time. In the spirit of self-sacrifice I have done tireless research on hangover cures – and I hope you appreciate the amount of alcohol I have had to consume to accurately complete this research.
We all know that alcohol, that ‘bitter-sweet bastard companion of man’, dehydrates us, wreaking havoc in our stomachs and pickling our brains like some overzealous housewife who doesn’t know what to do with her left over figs. So what can we do to fix this?
My research has led me to believe that for a hangover cure to truly work five critical issues need to be addressed.
- Headaches
- Nausea
- Diarrhoea
- The ‘embalmed mummy’ stench
- A desire to never get out of bed again
So ideally what you want (in combo of course) is:
- Caffeine
- Pain-killers
- Electrolytes
- Some kind of stomach relief
- And a long shower – baths don’t work
However this translates to major activity which would mean having to get out of bed in the first place, plus who knows what the hell all that in combo is going do to you in the long run – so for the savvy drinker I prescribe a strong dose of ‘pre-emption’. Short of having a paramedic on standby with an IV ready I suggest that you:
- Make a flask of Natural Hangover Remedy before you go out and leave it next to your bed. That way you don’t have to get out of bed without re-hydrating.
- When you wakes up (at the very earliest 2pm) the next afternoon sip the concoction in bed – it helps with dehydration, nausea and will settle your stomach – all of which will add-up to pain relief.
- Make a mad dash for the shower (only a hot shower will do) so that you sweat out all that vile booze. When you are ready to leave the shower turn the hot off while still standing under the jet for a quick – and might I add cold –wake up call.
- Finally you will be fragile for about another hour or so – what I recommend is curling up on the couch to watch something mindless – just not Oprah though, something that mindless might put you into a coma.
I find that such a routine fixes me up in a jiffy – so give it a shot the next time you have a raucous party and drop me a line to let me know how it works.
You should also feel free to ‘spread the love’ if you know any hangover cures that work for you; a good friend of mine for instance collects all his bottle caps on an evening out and drinks as many glasses of water, before he goes to bed, as he has bottle caps. What are your thoughts?
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